Predicament

Did you ever see a dress look terrific on the model, thought it would be terrific on you and bought it without trying it on?

I did. Many times. And it looks awful on me. I regret it every single time for every single dress I bought without actually knowing whether it fits me!

I did that again, it is not dress this time, but a job, a task comes with responsibility. It is not that I am inadequate for the job, but that it is a time-consuming job. It is always urgent but not important, trivial matters only, you barely can learn things from it. Simply put, not beneficial, not to me at least.

In a very large percent of time in our lives, we are dealing with urgent but not important matters. Like a ringing phone, an unanswered doorbell. These are not important, but urgent, they keep bugging you til you answer them. It is the same with the job I am taking. You have to be there to respond to it whenever, wherever.

The problem with me is that I like to separate my personal life from work. Once I am off work, I am done with work. I don`t want to be bothered, be involved in anything. At least not now, not at night during my off work hours.

But the problem with this job is that it invades my private time, forces me to give up part of my personal life. I would be like a on-call doctor. I have to be dedicated to this fucking thing unconditionally.

Everything is a tradeoff! The positive side of this job is it can promise you a fulfilling life which is be busy all the time. Some people like that, I do too. Keep busy like a bee can stop you from feeling fucking emptiness or nothingness of your life, which is a good thing because some people don`t know what they should do if they stop working and afraid to lose the purposes of life which they misperceive it as work and which they have lost long time ago.

I don`t want to be one of them. Since I am young, I am capable and willing, I would like to do something good, something extraordinary, something amazing. So to me, time is everything, time is life. That`s why I don`t want to give up my time for a job that can`t get me nothing, take me nowhere!

Having said all these, still, I haven`t decided yet! So, please, call me a coward!