Compromising

Sometimes, I do something that I don`t want to do, just to avoid to make friends feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or rejected.

For example, last night, we went to body building and on the way home, she asked if I want to go buy cheap bread at some supermarket. She said they only sell the bread half the price at the very last minute of the day right before their closing and now was the that time. I really don`t want to, because the whole purpose of body building is to lose weight and if I buy some bread which I definitely will eat, I definitely will gain weight which I try so hard to lose. So, I really don`t want to. But just not to let her feel bad, I said ok and forced myself to buy some bread that I don`t want to be anywhere near.

Same sort of things, I did tons of them, just to make others feel less rejected.

Did you ever do anything similar? People call it compromising which is a stupid thing to do when you think about it. But still, what else can you do? what other choice do we have?

Glee

‘Glee’!!!

I am a glee fan. And after watching Season 2, episode 6, I have to admit, I am quite surprised.

Ryan Murphy is unpredictable. I never thought he would make Kurt and Darren have a kiss scene. Quite unexpected, and it is kind of interesting because Darren is the only guy who bullies Kurt and he happens to be the guy who has a crush on Kurt.

Using Chinese proverbs, ‘打是情，骂是爱’, means people fight or bully because they care or love that person. Sounds strange right? But it has a truth in it, like what Darren did to Kurt. Probably he is just too afraid to show what he truly feels, and the only thing he dares to do is to act opposite.

Either way, it is quite a turn on for me. So a special thanks to Ryan, and please keep up with the good work!

Two-year old fight

An old old friend got in touch with me yesterday through renren website which is used as facebook in China.

The first thing she asked was: are we still friends? We get over that fight right?

All I can think of is what fight? When? For what?

Seriously, I have no memory of fighting with her over anything. Especially when it was two years ago as she said. Either way, we ended up chatting, and joking like the old times. By old times, I mean when we were at high-school. Those were great times, and it was six years ago.

Still, I can`t help wondering what was the fight for? How can she hold up to a fight for such a long time? Doesn`t she ever forget these kind of things after like a beautiful dream or pleasant night? Plus, we are friends, we fight, we make up, what`s the big deal?

Anyway, my point is the past is past. Don`t hold up too much on the things in the past, it is simply a waste of time and life. And it definitely will make your life much harder and more pathetic than you can ever imagine.

So, please, just learn to let go and move on.

Resigning

I am officially resigning today. Called my new company, communicated a little, cleared my doubts, and now time to bring up the resignation to current boss.

It is very unsettling. Can easily get nervous about the unknown future --- what will it be like in the new company, at new job, with new colleagues around? Either way, some adventure I would say.

I don`t know how long does it take to get out of here? Not that I don`t like my job or colleagues, I do. They are a bunch of nice people and the job is something I am really good at. But it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life and this is important.

Every successful person would tell you, do what you love, and it is the only way you will get succeed someday. One after one, I started to deeply believe in it. And more importantly, I eager success too much that I would do anything it takes to get it.

So here I am, taking the risk of losing everything, sending out my resignation letter.

Wish me all the best!

Anxiety

Lately, I found myself being very anxious and worrying that nothing I do helps but reading. Don`t know why myself. Normally I hate reading. Once I start reading, I can easily get into sleep. But lately, odd enough and I don`t know what changed, once I get into reading, I can feel quite relaxed and calm that all those things that I was worried too much about seem all gone. And all I am left to feel is the happiness…

It is such an amazing feeling that I want to keep it forever…

Fight

Had a serious fight with my second eldest sister last night. She is republican while I am not. And we have so different views and opinions against government and politics that whenever we chat about national events, we end up fighting, disagreeing and hating each other.

She can`t understand why I am so ‘unrealistic’ (using her words), why can`t I realize that we, as the citizen, can`t change anything but accept it, including unfairness, injustice, and everything. It is what it is, and all we can do is to live with it.

While, I can`t understand why she can`t realize that the republican is ruining our life, they are the very reason why our life is so hard right now? And we have the right, obligation and responsibility to fight for our rights, our better future. We can`t always accept whatever they throw to us. It will make them more rampant and exploit us every way they can. We need to stand up and fight and to let them know that they are there to serve us, not us to serve them. Or else, what`s the point of having a government?

Fighting, no matter win or lost, makes a difference. I deeply believe in that.

Judgement Day

No chance I am getting that job, at all. :( Damn it. What I did wrong? Talked too much? Way too passionate? Appears to be irresponsible? Dressed inappropriately? Too much confident?

Gosh, I wish I would have taken it easy. I was too eager to express myself, to show that I am confident, capable and passionate, that it works the opposite. Damn it. I tried it too hard. F*.

Whatever, what`s done is done. There is nothing I can do to help reverse the situation. So, take it as a lesson and I will just move on.

Wedding Candies

Getting to office, I found there are wedding candies on everyone`s desk. Wondering who is the lucky guy that got married?

When I say guy, you might be wondering why not girl? Well, 30 members in our team, only three of them are girls and I am pretty sure none of them are getting married soon, so…

Talking of getting married, it will bring such a huge change to every single aspect of your life or you, if you are the one who is getting married. Like: you need to learn to be more responsible. Need to earn more money. Need to buy a house and the pay the loan for the rest of your life. Need to be sensitive. Need to be caring. Need to go home every single night to the same person and need to be prepared for your upcoming baby. Just so many things to be aware of or be capable of that sometimes it could be quite overwhelming.
scary, isn`t it?

Getting fat?

I suddenly realized that I got a little fat lately. What`s going on?

Probably caused by the fact that lately, I am eating too much and having no exercise, at all. Damn it. Time to straighten myself up. Can`t afford to get fat again.

What I am gonna do?

• Start jogging and playing basketball every night around 7:30-8:30.
• Eat less.
• Eat less.
• And eat less.

Wish me good luck :D

'Social Network'

Ever get the chance to watch the latest movie ‘social network’ yet?

One word: great!

I, myself graduated from software engineering major and love dealing with computers and networks all day long. And every time I watch a high-tech crime or fighting crime movies, I would easily get pumped up and start searching a way to be a hacker.

Truth be told, there aren`t much inspiring high-tech movies. But ‘social network’ happens to be one of them.

What I get by watching this movie is that, 1), how Mark Zuckerberg creates the facebook 2), how intelligence, dedication and hardwork help you achieve whatever you want.

Just a great movie, if you are a computer fan, you definitely wouldn`t want to miss it :P

Weibo, in another words 'Twitter'

Spending more than half an hour each day on twitter (Weibo in Chinese), replying and posting. The most interesting part of this tool is that, you get the chance to express your opinions about a lot of things, freely and wildly. People might judge, but you always can fight back. And if people like your opinions or thoughts, they might follow you around which it calls it becoming a fan. So far, I got 33 fans, I earned them one by one. :D

I want to post everyday, but not much original thoughts yet. Maybe I should read more to gain more thoughts. Anyway, it is a great place to kill time, but free time only.

Smile

I don`t know what changed, but people don`t smile to each other anymore, especially on bus. Everyone is so self-defensive that nobody trust nobody and everyone is living in his own scary world like if you talk to others, they might rob you or something. It just makes me sad.

Anyway, yesterday, on a bus, an old man, really old, like at his 70s, stared at me with no reason. The bus was so crowded and I seem so little and helpless in there that somehow I caught his attention. And then, giving the circumstances and the good mood I was in, I did one thing that I barely do on a bus or to a stranger: I smiled. And then, surprisingly, he smiled back, with genuineness in his eyes, his teeth all out (missing some:D), just like my grandpa. I suddenly felt the warmth of his heart or mine and felt so happy which lasts for the rest of my whole day. I guess this is the magic of smile, can make people`s day easily.

Job hunting

I uploaded my profile to 51job for DBA job hunting. And today, I received a call asking me for an interview. I decided not to wait any longer or hide any longer. It is such excruciating to not able to work with oracle every day. People say, only do what you love to do will lead you to success. And what I love is to work with oracle database, every single day.

Finally, I get the chance, even if I might not get the offer, still, this is me walking out the first step. I am ready for the worst. I don`t care or I am no longer worried about whether I would fail. All I want is to experience the rejection, the failure and learn to gain the courage to face them, and not give up.

Oh boy, the movie 'Front of the Class' really inspires me.

the thing that bothers me

I want to be good at public speaking. So I decided to be a dedicated contributor to TMC. I am no longer the member because of 200$ fee which I am so reluctant to pay. But I choose to be one of the most active guests. Either way, I am trying to run toward my goal—to be an excellent speaker.

One of my passions lies in movies & tv series. So I thought I talk about it. But I can`t figure out a good way to deliver my passion, deliver the joys that I get from watching those movies and tv series. Specifically, I don`t know how to present it? Should I just talk about one movie or give a list of my favorite movies?

Then come to think about it, different people could have quite different tastes in movies. Some like criminal or violent movies, some like love stories, while the others might like sci-fis. How can I present it to meet the most of my audiences` need? Maybe I should put up a PPT to go together with my speech?

Still not sure. Give me some time to think it through. But no matter what, I definitely will give them a good presentation. :D

Hard to say NO to the family

The minute my eldest sister called, I knew what is about. The other day, mom asked me for money and I said no. I knew there is nowhere else she can turn to, but I still said no. lending mom the money is like giving to her, there is no way that I can get it back. I knew because it happened a lot in the past, and you can say I learned my lesson.

Before you judge, I am a mom`s good girl, whenever she needs anything, I would do whatever I can to help her. That`s the exact reason why I am in a deep debt, 80 thousand Yuan -- I am helping her paying her debt. I managed to pay back the half so far, and I promised the owner that I will pay back the rest at the end of next year.

To able to do that, I need to keep 3 thousand Yuan savings each month. And to lending out the money to mom won`t help me achieve it. So I decided to say no to mom no matter what. And I did, but I knew she will ask my eldest sister to ask me for money, and I knew my sister has the capability to pay me back on time.

As I thought, she asked, and I said ok, and she surprised that I would say yes so quickly. Well, what do you expect? To my family, say no once is hard enough, say no twice is something I can`t do. Plus, I know my sister would pay me back no matter what. I have faith in her and I know things will turn out right eventually. :D