Compromising

Sometimes, I do something that I don`t want to do, just to avoid to make friends feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or rejected.

For example, last night, we went to body building and on the way home, she asked if I want to go buy cheap bread at some supermarket. She said they only sell the bread half the price at the very last minute of the day right before their closing and now was the that time. I really don`t want to, because the whole purpose of body building is to lose weight and if I buy some bread which I definitely will eat, I definitely will gain weight which I try so hard to lose. So, I really don`t want to. But just not to let her feel bad, I said ok and forced myself to buy some bread that I don`t want to be anywhere near.

Same sort of things, I did tons of them, just to make others feel less rejected.

Did you ever do anything similar? People call it compromising which is a stupid thing to do when you think about it. But still, what else can you do? what other choice do we have?

Glee

‘Glee’!!!

I am a glee fan. And after watching Season 2, episode 6, I have to admit, I am quite surprised.

Ryan Murphy is unpredictable. I never thought he would make Kurt and Darren have a kiss scene. Quite unexpected, and it is kind of interesting because Darren is the only guy who bullies Kurt and he happens to be the guy who has a crush on Kurt.

Using Chinese proverbs, ‘打是情，骂是爱’, means people fight or bully because they care or love that person. Sounds strange right? But it has a truth in it, like what Darren did to Kurt. Probably he is just too afraid to show what he truly feels, and the only thing he dares to do is to act opposite.

Either way, it is quite a turn on for me. So a special thanks to Ryan, and please keep up with the good work!

Two-year old fight

An old old friend got in touch with me yesterday through renren website which is used as facebook in China.

The first thing she asked was: are we still friends? We get over that fight right?

All I can think of is what fight? When? For what?

Seriously, I have no memory of fighting with her over anything. Especially when it was two years ago as she said. Either way, we ended up chatting, and joking like the old times. By old times, I mean when we were at high-school. Those were great times, and it was six years ago.

Still, I can`t help wondering what was the fight for? How can she hold up to a fight for such a long time? Doesn`t she ever forget these kind of things after like a beautiful dream or pleasant night? Plus, we are friends, we fight, we make up, what`s the big deal?

Anyway, my point is the past is past. Don`t hold up too much on the things in the past, it is simply a waste of time and life. And it definitely will make your life much harder and more pathetic than you can ever imagine.

So, please, just learn to let go and move on.

Resigning

I am officially resigning today. Called my new company, communicated a little, cleared my doubts, and now time to bring up the resignation to current boss.

It is very unsettling. Can easily get nervous about the unknown future --- what will it be like in the new company, at new job, with new colleagues around? Either way, some adventure I would say.

I don`t know how long does it take to get out of here? Not that I don`t like my job or colleagues, I do. They are a bunch of nice people and the job is something I am really good at. But it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life and this is important.

Every successful person would tell you, do what you love, and it is the only way you will get succeed someday. One after one, I started to deeply believe in it. And more importantly, I eager success too much that I would do anything it takes to get it.

So here I am, taking the risk of losing everything, sending out my resignation letter.

Wish me all the best!

Anxiety

Lately, I found myself being very anxious and worrying that nothing I do helps but reading. Don`t know why myself. Normally I hate reading. Once I start reading, I can easily get into sleep. But lately, odd enough and I don`t know what changed, once I get into reading, I can feel quite relaxed and calm that all those things that I was worried too much about seem all gone. And all I am left to feel is the happiness…

It is such an amazing feeling that I want to keep it forever…

Fight

Had a serious fight with my second eldest sister last night. She is republican while I am not. And we have so different views and opinions against government and politics that whenever we chat about national events, we end up fighting, disagreeing and hating each other.

She can`t understand why I am so ‘unrealistic’ (using her words), why can`t I realize that we, as the citizen, can`t change anything but accept it, including unfairness, injustice, and everything. It is what it is, and all we can do is to live with it.

While, I can`t understand why she can`t realize that the republican is ruining our life, they are the very reason why our life is so hard right now? And we have the right, obligation and responsibility to fight for our rights, our better future. We can`t always accept whatever they throw to us. It will make them more rampant and exploit us every way they can. We need to stand up and fight and to let them know that they are there to serve us, not us to serve them. Or else, what`s the point of having a government?

Fighting, no matter win or lost, makes a difference. I deeply believe in that.

Judgement Day

No chance I am getting that job, at all. :( Damn it. What I did wrong? Talked too much? Way too passionate? Appears to be irresponsible? Dressed inappropriately? Too much confident?

Gosh, I wish I would have taken it easy. I was too eager to express myself, to show that I am confident, capable and passionate, that it works the opposite. Damn it. I tried it too hard. F*.

Whatever, what`s done is done. There is nothing I can do to help reverse the situation. So, take it as a lesson and I will just move on.